S
uccession season four is just around the corner: the final season of HBO’s smash hit show will premier on Sky and NOW on March 27.
While we’re thrilled to return to the world of the Roys and Waystar Royco, we’re sad it will soon all come to a close. And that means the end of the stinging, ultra-rude and outgrageous dialogue that the characters throw at each other with practically every line. We’re really going to miss it.
For fun, here’s our pick of the best one-liners, insults and jokes from Succession season one to three.
Tom Wambsgans
Shiv Roy’s husband, and head of one of Waystar Royco’s divisions, a bit of a melt
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HBO
“Greg, this is not f**king Charles Dickens World, okay? You don’t go around talking about principles. Man the f**k up!”
“I can’t reveal my sources… Uh, but it’s Greg.”
“I’d castrate you and marry you in a heartbeat.” (to Greg)
“You don’t hear much about syphilis these days. Very much the MySpace of STDs.”
“The man dying of thirst is suddenly a mineral water critic?” (to Greg)
Kendall Roy
The second eldest Roy son, megalomaniac
HBO / Sky Atlantic
“Do YOU want to call your dad?”
“This just doesn’t work for me. So, f**k you and God bless.” (to Logan)
“I’m going to lock you in a golden cage, fuck you with a silver dildo, and pay you so much you sing whatever song I want.”
“You couldn’t get a job in a burger joint let alone a Fortune 500 without some nepotism.” (to Roman)
Roman Roy
The youngest Roy child, insecure and bit of a wrong’un
Succession
“My mom’s getting remarried to a bowl of porridge.”
“What the f**k is this obsession with milk? You know who drinks milk? Kittens and perverts.”
“What I think he meant to say was that he wished mom gave birth to a can opener because at least then it would be useful.” (to Kendall)
“Oooh nice vest, Wambsgans. It’s soooo puffy. What’s it stuffed with, your hopes and dreams?” (to Tom)
Shiv Roy
Logan Roy’s only daughter, vain and cunning, but, somehow, an actual relatable human being
HBO
“Oh, a chapel. Do you think dad will be able to cross the threshold, or will he spontaneously combust?”
“Uh … Oh, hello? Is this the replicant department? Yeah, my meat puppet has stopped working.” (to Tom)
“Cold and inhospitable. That seems to check out.” (standing inside a rendering of her mother’s vagina)
“Oh, what is that? Date Rape by Calvin Klein?” (smelling Roman)
Logan Roy
Chief executive of Waystar Royco, likes to say f**k off, cut-throat doesn’t cover it
HBO
“Romulus. When you’re laughing, please do it at the same volume as everyone else. We didn’t get you from a hyena farm.” (to Roman)
“She can’t hack the hate. Well, she can f**k off and enjoy her lily-white chicken flesh conscience working for a f**king phone company.” (to Shiv about business go-between Rhea)
“You’re a f**king creep. I mean you — you went for three jobs, you didn’t get any of them. Your vineyard was a write-off. And now your trophy girlfriend is sucking some waiter’s d**k in Palermo, so now you’ve come crawling back, like a f**king worm.” (to Frank)
Ewan Roy
Logan’s brother, has a seat on the board, hundreds of millions of dollars and somehow a conscience too
“The ‘Logan Roy School of Journalism’? What’s next, the ‘Jack The Ripper Women’s Health Clinic’?”
Gil Eavis
Democratic presidential candidate, principled to the hilt
“You can’t make a Tomelette without breaking some Gregs.”
“Have you ever used another human being as a footstool, Mr Wambsgans?”
Connor Roy
The eldest Roy child, though everyone forgets it, embarassing presidential candidate
“I’m not saying I’d make a better CEO. That’s unsaid.”
“Sometimes I think I’ll never truly understand dad until I sh*t outside.”
Greg Hirsch
Logan’s great-nephew, known as Cousin Greg, bit of a wet blanket
Succession Season 4 / Official Trailer / HBO Max
“I was wondering, just, in your view do you think it’s possible to sue a person, a grandparent for example, in a way which is like… like in an affectionate way? That might convey, like, ‘I love you and I’m glad you’re a part of my life, but I am taking legal action against you’?”
“What am I going to do with a soul, anyway? Souls are boring. Boo, souls!”
Hugo Baker
One of Logan’s unscrupilous lackeys
“What’s it like being married to a man with two a**holes?” (to Shiv)
Willa Ferreyra
Connor’s fiancée, an escort turned unskilled playwright
“At least I’m only getting fucked by one member of this family.”
“F**k it! How bad can it be?”
Stewy Hosseini
Kendall’s old college pal, a venture capitalist and major thorn in Kendall’s side
“I feel like I’m taking a sh*t in the Guggenheim, y’all.” (watching a meeting through its glass windows)
“I guess if you did have something deal-wise, it’s kinda like, dead in the water now, right? Kinda like the women who went on those cruises.” (to Kendall)
Frank Vernon
One of Logan’s oldest colleagues, vice-chairman of Waystar Royco
“Sometimes when you were absent they used to refer to you as the calamari c*ck ring.” (to Kendall)
Succession season four premiers on Sky and NOW on March 27
